When I was fat I was invisible to a lot of people. I don't remember getting a lot of compliments unless it was special occasion. I don't remember people smiling at me in the hallway. I don't remember a lot of strangers talking to me when I was 90 pounds heavier. Most of my acquaintances were nice to me but not nearly as nice to me as they are now. I started to understand why just a couple weeks ago.
I am thinner and more approachable. Instead of being judged for my size I am now being judged for the size I am becoming. I have lost weight before and most of my friends saw that weight loss. There will come a day when most people in my life won't think of me ever being that fat. But there is one person that will never forget. Me.
I will never forget my grandmother Bea telling me I should just eat those cookies because my face was already fat no one was going to love me anyway. I will never forget Danny Heffernan mooing at me in the hallways at school. I will never forget Harold Davis telling me that I was good for screwing but I was too fat to be his girlfriend. I will never forget being called disgusting. I will never forget a total stranger telling me I took up too much space on the planet. I will never forget my ex-husband telling me that he was grossed out by my size. I will never forget being called a pig at a buffet. I will never forget the boys in the 5th grade that would say "boom, boom, boom" as I walked by. I will never forget being told by a fellow Navy wife that I shouldn't wear shorts to the beach party because my size would embarrass my spouse. I WILL NEVER FORGET.
I do love that people are noticing my hard work in getting healthier and taking control of my success. It keeps me motivated. It keeps me determined. It feels like this is my greatest accomplishment in the eyes of some. Maybe I was too hard on myself to notice the compliments before. Maybe my self esteem was so low that it feels like the only thing worth noticing when it comes to me is that I am now becoming socially acceptable in society.
I will not tolerate any body shaming. Thin or fat shaming is a disease in our society. It is not politically correct to make fun of race, color, religion, sexual orientation, or disability. But it is still ok for fat jokes. It is last bit of acceptance that we need to face as a society. Obesity is a disease. I am a food addict. I have genetics working against me. I am working damn hard to make sure I control my addiction and learn how I am supposed to eat and live. Some obese people can't even do that because of emotional blocks, diseases, syndromes, medications. And it is not ok to shame them. I want to live my life shameless. I hope more people join me.