So to say the least I was feeling very hot and sweaty. I was feeling great though. I just resigned from my job (don't worry, I have another one to start on June 20) so perhaps I was less stressed and feeling like a champ for being able to pull off the photo shoot without bursting in to flames. So when I sat down I was not expecting a compliment. Nancy looks at me and says "You are looking great." I immediately said "I have not lost any weight." She gave me the bestie/mentor look and said "Not that. You just look really good." Well shit.... Why did I immediately think that her compliment was related to the size of my ass? Nancy wasn't asking me if I lost weight, she was telling me that I looked good.
When you have been overweight most of your life, weight is an obsession. People ask you all the time if you have lost weight, are you losing weight, have tried A, B, or C, have you tried X, Y, or Z.... It is never ending. You are bombarded all the time with well meaning, and not well meaning people telling you how to do it. I had lost 90 pounds and an acquaintance was telling me that I was doing it wrong. Really? 90 pounds down and I was doing it wrong. So it seems only logical that I would think that any compliment was about my weight.
I think it is incredibly hard to take compliments when you have been judged and ridiculed most of your life. How many times do we cringe when our friends, partners, or family tell us that we are beautiful? I still find it hard to take the compliments people give. Hello, last night was the perfect example. This journey of weight loss, learning to love myself, feeling good about weight loss, accepting that it is OK to gain some weight back, is hard. The second hardest thing I have ever had to do. Beating cancer was the hardest. It is SO hard but SO worth it. So the next time someone tells me I am looking good I am going to say....