Normally I am a super smiley photographic subject. We did not plan to take the photo the way that it came out. I just did not smile and he snapped the photo. But there was something so incredible about it that I just love it. I really do. I feel like it is just me. No make-up, no smile, just a moment in time. I liked to so much I put it on Facebook. Many people said they missed my smile and that I needed a smiley photo. But I am resisting changing it.
My life has not always been about the smiles. There have been many times in my life when I was not smiling. It reminded me of something that happened at work when I was in my 20's. I was having a bad day or week. I can't remember what was wrong but I remember being depressed. After a couple of days of being quiet and a bit withdrawn, my boss came to my cube and told me that I had to snap out of it and that I was not allowed to have bad day because I was expected to be happy. He said that to me. I asked him then and there for 2 days off so that he would not have to put up with whatever was happening. I was demoralized. It was as if my emotions and problems were not worthy of acknowledgement. It was terrible. For some reason I almost feel the same way about this photo. I need to smile all the time to make everyone else feel better.
I will say this, I do love to smile. It is one of the things I love about myself. And I usually do smile a lot. But for one moment, this photo spoke to the woman deep inside. The one that is reflective, thoughtful, sad, intelligent, and kind.