I have decided it will be different this time. I went back to school in 2004 to get a business related Bachelor's degree. When that was done, I decided on getting a Master's degree in Management because thanks to Toastmasters I was able to lead teams successfully and wanted to be a Project Manager some day. Once the economy recovered, I moved from Construction and Engineering in to Information Technology. I have been a Financial Analyst, a Business Analyst, a Project Coordinator, a Project Analyst, a Jr. Project Manager and I even had the title of Project Manager (although the job was a glorified Executive Assistant). After coming to the realization that in my current position I was not furthering this goal, I decided to make a change.
When I made the decision after talking to my spouse, thinking about the risks, I knew that I would not settle. I told all the recruiters that I wanted to work with that I would not take anything that was not a Project Manager role. The title is not that important, what was important to me was the work that I would be doing. I stuck to my goals and on Monday I am going to be starting a new role as a Project Manager 2. My good friend Ellen once told me that I was the only thing holding me back from getting what I wanted. And that I needed to stop doubting and start believing in the woman she knew. She said this to me last year as I debated whether or not I was worthy of the salary by soon to be previous company was offering me. Her words came back to me as my job began to change and days were hard to face. I knew that I could keep trying to do something I struggled with, or I could put my big girl panties on and get on with reaching my goals. I decided to put on the hot pink panties and jump in to my goals without hesitation.
Thank god for all the people who have believed in me my whole life. My parents were there for me, friends, my husband - all have my back. Someone asked the question last week - What is your definition of success? - For me it is that those voices of doubt are getting softer and one day.... they will be totally silent.